all the beautiful things that make people weep don't have to make you weak

Oh how life has changed since that last post. I am happy, life is happy, and everything is going my way. I'm in Australia, which is great, but I'm also excited to be back at MSU for my final semester. Oh holy shit I'm getting old.

<3

I've seen it all before, in movies of myself

It's official, I'm out of my mind.

I like having a rein on my emotions. I know why I feel what I feel, I just wish it wasn't so. Sometimes I think it's easier to deal with the regrets and emotions if you just ignore their true meaning, and go with the temporary solution and deal with the consequences later. I hate feeling needy, I hate feeling like I need outside validation, but it's so goddamn obvious to me that's the center of where I'm at.

I think Lance was right when he said that we are hard people to love because we punish those that love us. I guess I've just always needed someone to try really hard for me, to prove themselves worthy. But who says I'm anything great that should be worth all that? Nothing in my history says that anyone will ever be willing to do that, and no one should have to.

Soon I'll be gone from here. But isn't that always the excuse? Why is it that travel and adventure, things I am so fond of, tend to ruin my close relationships?

I suppose I just need to find someone to ride at my chosen speed.

surreal

With my visa and housing applications both pending, and little else to be done except to pack up my room, earn a bit more money, and hop on a plane, needless to say I'm a little awestruck that it's all just working out fabulously. Granted, I'm poor as shit and have like 2G on my credit card (having never before used a credit card, this is daunting to me) and will no doubt be jetting off with little in the way of spending cash. I can't believe it's really happening!

I've just finished reading my wisely purchased book on Australia (must see Cairns! and the tingle trees! and the ancient rock growth! and the Great Barrier Reef!) and I can already say I will not be able to see all that I want there, but goodness I'll sure try.

I have begun packing up things unnecessary to my June survival, most notably my books. This of course led me to reading an old journal. There was one passage in particular that drew me; it was about how I wanted to make the most of my life and of my most fervent desire to never have to say "I wish I would've". I'm just so proud of myself for continuing this mindset that I forgot I've even had for that long. Here's to keeping up the adventurous life!

21 and fearless

The big b-day is fast approaching. I have to work a ridiculous amount tomorrow, but after 9:30, festivities begin. Here's the agenda:

Wednesday night cocktail party: guests include me and Shannon and some party dresses. Obviously you should come too.

Big Day plans:
perhaps a research meeting? booo
party dress shopping
gettin' inked
drinking avec lovely friends at the bar!

Alicia: Circus Performer

I feel that I must become a professional juggler. It's the only way I'll make it --sanity intact-- to the end of the semester. How to balance the exams to study for, the papers to write, the projects to have group meetings about and organize, the sleepovers, the mid-week drinking parties, the tv shows, the frisbee practices and the tournaments, the doctor's appointments and basketball games and concerts....

At least I have the fun things to try to juggle in-- I'll just throw them up and hope they fall in the right places and the right intervals, so that I can also get things done.

That being said, life is pretty damn good right now. We had an impromptu get-together last night to celebrate the Couchers' tournament win. Crazy times on a Sunday night.

This upcoming weekend is Easter, and while I have no egg hunts to participate in, easter dress to wear, or mass to attend; I will see my nearest and dearest friendlies and very likely pour our souls onto driveways and into coffee mugs just like the old days.

It's not that I miss home, particularly, just the people. I've always been that way. A place can be important, but while I feel a tie (who could forget the Tridge? Or those soccer fields or Espresso Milano?) I am not TIED. I don't need to be in a particular place to be me, or to feel at home. Maybe that's why I like traveling so much? I think I even tend to be MORE myself in different places, where I can write and explore and think...

A fabulous tangent, but it's time to barista for a few hours before hitting the books. Tomorrow I am seeing Ben Folds, and the day after I am going to watch the Pistons vs. the Bulls avec mon pere. What a great week. :)

let the wild rumpus begin

I saw Where The Wild Things Are ballet-style tonight. It was awesome.

I am getting increasingly apathetic about schoolwork. ...Eh.

All I want to do is play outside, hang out with friends, and sleep.

I'm getting x-rays of my knees soon. I am rather scared it's something that will need surgery.

I miss Midland kids. Talking out life would be good. We need to play soon. Everyone coming for Easter, I hope?


Je vous adore, mes amis.

this is the countdown

I'm starting the countdown early, because I need something concrete to look at and know I'm making progress. Bear with me, loves, it's a rough semester.

2 human sexuality exams
1 comm. in close relationships exam
2 dark side exams
2 gender comm. exams
1 persuasion exam
8-10 pg honors human sex. paper
8-10 page dark side research proposal
comm. in close relationships research article review (length?)
persuasion project, who the fuck know how long (presentation and paper? idk)
open water dives for scuba certification
4 frisbee tournaments
get classes (something? anything?) approved for Australia
take practice GRE. bang head on wall. decide to forgo PhD. Take REAL GRE. Proceed to die. PhD or bust!



it all sounds so do-able, till I remember that going to 18 credits worth of classes, 3 credits worth of experimentering, 24 hours of coffee barista-ing, 4 hours of lifeguarding, 4 hours of friz practice, and no open weekends means that there IS NO TIME.

....balls.

je vous adore, mes amours. see ya never ;)