La La La Life!

Aaaanddd... another semester finished at MSU. La Fin. Peace out.

The perfect semester has eluded me once again, but I'm not too upset. I worked hard, and my grades are good thus far. Although I think Scuba and TAing are pass/fail, so no additional 4.0s to add to the roster. Damn.

I'm kicking it into high gear with the working out for spring frisbee season. Karen and I have been running everyday, plus the last two days I played some friz AND ran. Insane. My body hurts. It will all be for the best!! :)

I've been reading Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. Hilarious. I didn't laugh out loud as much as I have before, but I was also pretty tired when I was reading last night.

Aaaand I digress. But I'm almost done with Christmas shopping! I still have to create some of the presents, but that will be fun and arts and craftsy. I'm too distracted to write this post right now... but I'm excited for life.

10/13 Done with exams!
10/16 picking up my brotha at the airport!
10/18 PA!

So many fun events! Ok. Bye.

the week before finals... infinitely worse than finals week

...but I think I might actually survive.

I attended the social for PRSSA/PRSA, and ended up getting an interview out of it. My interview was this morning and I think I did well. I made sure to email her this afternoon to send a thank you. Why? Because after reading my horoscope, a co-worker of mine suggested it. (for reference: Gemini Dec. 4th: Knowing the right anwer doesn't always ensure victory. Being cheerfully persistant is also required in this situation.) Eerie, no? Not that I believe in that b.s....

The journalism project that has been eating my soul is actually looking AMAZING. My partner has barely escaped certain death by strangulation (by me, naturally) but I did end up doing the vast majority of the project. C'est la vie, I suppose. After it is finished, it will be the best organized project I have ever put out. So proud. :-)

The First Frisbee Formal was an outright success. Highlights include a fabulous dinner at Harper's (they set up the back room and candles and it was lovely), Connor and Hef showing up in their "birthday suits" (boxers and ties) and proceeding to spend the night on our couch, leaning against each other wrapped in a Care Bears blanket. Of course Shannon took a picture. :) There were a lot of pictures, all tagged on facebook. Check 'em out!

Anthro papers are coming along nicely. Well, my final reading response is shit, but it's almost FINISHED. My final analysis is lovely, though. 6.5 pages out of 10-12 complete, and I really like what I have written. Thank goodness for writing marathons a la bibliotheque.

Now to FINISH all these things I've started....

To all my friends, bon chance on your finals, and I can't wait for winter break so we can all playyy!

countdown

So much to do before going to Midland for break....

• Building Bridges PRSSA/PRSA Networking Social
• Read "Words and Stones" (almost there!)
  
• Anthro Reading Response paper 3-5 pages
• Anthro Final Analysis 10-12 pages
• Journalism Media Packet (sooo much writing)
• Scuba certification exam 50Q multiple choice
  
• Scuba practical test
  
• Biology final exam essay
  
• Sociology final exam 50Q multiple choice
  
• Proctor COM 225 final exam
• + Frisbee Formal
• + 2 bball games
  

Save me?

you are my sweetest downfall

Midland. Place of my birth, childhood and where my family still resides. A place seeped in memories that holds the weight of the past, the first 18 years of my life.

It's strange how such a place brings out the newest in a person. How I can go there, and at once be the person I've become and the person I was. Dually existing, dually feeling. It sounds like an existential plight, but it's really just... Midland.

I've had the best of times here, and also the worst of times. My life has split into these seperate existences. I love being here with my old friends. We've changed a lot, but still manage to maintain love for one another. It's refreshing to take away the pressure of always being perfect, and to just relax in the company of those who know and love you.

My personal life is as usual up in arms. I am satisfied and restless, all at once. Who knows what will happen. I am not one for fate, but I don't necessarily have a direction I want things to go in right now. So I will leave it up to... someone else deciding. Not really fate, but apathy. Cheery....

Work is going to consume me for the next 2.5 weeks. Two projects, two finals. Doesn't sound terrible, but it will be a lot to do.

Hopefully everything just falls into place.

I was born secular

Naturally this weekend was ridiculous. Not wanting to taint the superiority of my artistically lovely online journal, ask me for party stories. Seriously insane, no lies.

On another note, 2-day week coming up! All that stands between me, a bubble bath, a spoon pile with Midland kids and some tofurkey is 3 classes, 2 hours of lifeguarding, writing one news release and a Spartan basketball game versus Vermont.

I plan on relaxing, no work. Morning visits to the gym, followed by long hot showers, tickling my baby brother (10! not a baby anymore!), chatting with my g, coffee shop convos and spoon piles with my bests, cooking (mis)adventures, and ending the nights with bubble baths and Sex in the City reruns. Oh glorious 5-day vacation. You are only the prelude to what my winter break will be.

Indulgent? Oh yes. Do I deserve it? Yep yep! The frisbee fundraiser is stressing me out, mainly because no one is helping me. We've got disc orders in limbo, invitations to be okayed and printed, and a lot of PR work. Work work work. And that's the fun stuff.

School. I need a break from you.

Quotes are lovely.
OG: "Alicia, why do you have a pin that says 'God loves me'?"
Me: "I stole it from someone when I was drunk"
OG: "I love your sacreligious ass."

The Great Beyond

It seems strange to plan for life beyond college. Everything in life was all leading up to these four years (or back when I had visions of being a doctor, 12 years... haha). Lately, I've been thinking beyond. I don't have much choice, I suppose.

I applied for a study abroad program next fall semester. The University of New South Wales in Sydney, Australia. I really hope I get it, it will be an adventure like no other.

But back to post-college plans. Naturally I only have the vaguest idea of what I want to accomplish career-wise, but I'm getting better at that. I'm going to a meet and greet social type deal with PRSSA and our parent group, PRSA.

Tori and I decided we need to globetrot together. We decided Fiji. Sounds perfect. :) Ogden and I had a planning session about traveling to Morocco together after she graduates undergrad before tearing into vet school. It seems so weird to plan things with my younger friends, knowing full well that I'll have already survived a year in the REAL WORLD by then.

My habit of completely living it up this semester has caused life to slide past my eyes, no brakes! I have no regrets, and I'm sure by the time it's over I will be ready for the next phase, but for now I'm clutching onto the last threads of my time at MSU. My last Halloween here, my last chance to play a fall tournament, my last few months with my senior friends... so many lasts. I am confident there will also be many new beginnings here in the end, though.

Perhaps I'm counting down a little too soon?

Playdate Lunches

I always cut my sandwiches into triangles. I feel it's reminiscent of childhood, but whose? Certainly not mine. My childhood was characterized by mom sleeping in till noon and 6 yr olds learning how to make Ramen noodles on the stove and nachos in the microwave.

Maybe it's one of those stupid things I do to make myself feel young, relive the stuff I never had in the first place. Triangle cut peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Playdate lunches. Help with homework. Wiffle ball in the backyard. Class room parents.

I learn everything late, teach myself. Why miss out on life just because it couldn't start till now?


[Maybe I'm crazy... probably]

I am a writing MACHINE

Today was a day of many good things, but I was SO freakishly busy I didn't know what to do except keep plugging along. I started off the day with my last discussion section TAing for COM 225. Aww byye interpersonal comm. students, it was fun while it lasted! After TAing I got myself some lunch and studied in the International Center.

Scuba came next, a whole hour and 45 min. underwater today. Our big task for today was swimming around the perimeter of the pool without our mask being guided by our buddy. It was crazy. My nose started spewing water bubbles because my body didn't understand to stop breathing. I got that under control and the rest was a piece of cake. I love diving. We also learned a back roll entry, like in the movies. I was simply famished after diving today despite having a good sub for lunch. I think scuba takes a lot more of my energy than I realize.

After scuba I set a land-speed record in exam taking. I finished my sociology (youth and society) exam in under 15 min. Yeah, I don't know. Hopefully I did well, I knew most of the answers right away.

After the ridiculously quick test taking, I became a WRITING MACHINE. I needed to finish my journalism paper before my 6 pm class when it was due, and ended up only taking 1/2 an hour to write it. Seriously, I have no idea how. So I decided that while I was on a roll, I ought to finish my anthro paper for tomorrow too. Check check.

Journalism class, same old same old. Had a speaker from the local tv news. He was a conceited asshole. Ohh media career, I fear you sometimes.

Decided to wrap up RIDICULOUS WEDNESDAY with a little bio papering, and then milkshakes and tv with the roomies. Clearly I wasn't going to do anymore homework after successfully finishing three papers in a day. Let's be serious.

I'm determined to make this weekend epic. And by epic, I mean I want to spend most of it in bed. With a boy. That would be the cherry on a very stressful but productive week.

[political rant/rave] In other news, my flaming liberal soul is LOVING the results of this election. House, Senate, MI Governor... thanks voters, you only pissed me off on one account. Oh wait, two. But seriously MCRI? WHAAAAT? I am absolutely incredulous at the way people think sometimes. Seriously people, seriously. [/political rant/rave]

Thursday = Best Day Ever. On the docket: anthro class, a little workout action, getting my bio paper checked out by my pervy prof, frisbee practice, and Grey's with some lovely friends. Possibly out? We shall see. I will opt for bed if at all possible. <3

[time is just a melody]

The Smell of a Lazy Afternoon

Our bathroom smells like tea tree oil, our kitchen smells like lentil soup.... I've finished half my bio paper, studied a bit for my sociology exam and extensively studied Regina Spektor's videos on YouTube.
This week is somewhat of an anomaly. I don't have biology because we have walk-in clinics for our papers. I tossed frisbee with the boys, sipp and the minge yesterday and it was fabulous. Rain outside is not making me happy, but I can deal with it if it means good weather tomorrow.
I didn't have much to say, just that I am calmly skimming through life today, and hoping for some more excitement tomorrow.

[No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again]

mesmerized by your smile

Life has taken a turn for the ridiculously happy. My loves Lance and Brad came to visit last night, and it was... well there are scarcely words. I love love love them. They were in top form, as I fully expected. They came ready to judge the new boy and ended up loving him. Awesome.

Speaking of... there is a new boy. He is, wow. I don't know how I got so lucky, really. Smart, good-lookin, frisbee player, incredibly sweet, LIKES MY FRIENDS! (clutch), lives a 5 min. walk away.... it's all deadly. This year keeps getting better and better!

Today was the first exhibition basketball game of the season, and I went with my dear friend Ogden. I can tell this year of basketball is going to be a riot.

I love MSU.

P.S. this is the photo that epitomizes 'optimism' to me. I love it. :)


[and the way it lights up under your eyes]

Weekend Update

This just in: Halloween is 6 days long this particular year. Costume count this year is 3. On Thursday the roomies and I headed to Andrea's house for Halloween party #1 after being thoroughly disappointed that Grey's was a rerun. Damn you, ABC. I was decked out in 80's prom queen attire, which included the sickest makeup I have ever worn. The photo above is an excellent depiction. Lavender eyeshadow, red lipstick, turquoise eyeliner and of course, pink blush. Disgusting. All in all a very excellent evening, which ended of course with a tipsy Jess and I mowing down Menna's dubs while watching The OC on DVD. It's a sickness, I tell you.

Friday we headed to Rochester, New York for some disc-flinging action. The Car O' Debauchery stopped in Canada to have some legal beers and watch the World Series. Booo to the Cardinals. The Family Restaurant and Bar was really fun though, we made friends with the owner and our waitress, although we may have accidentally stiffed the waitress.

Saturday morning brought rain and more rain, leaving the fields we were to play on muddy and unmanageable. We played two games, and won them both. I love how well we've been doing this year, it really inspires me to get in better shape so we can win some more. The tournament was cancelled after the two games because we were tearing the fields up. I've never been so muddy in my life.

After the games we booked it to the hotel, took lightening fast showers, and hit the road back through Canada to Michigan. We tossed on our costumes and went out for the night. Good friends, good times.... although somewhat crazy.

Monster movies are on marathon on the tv at all times, and it's making my life happy. Oh and that it turns out I can write, I got a 4.0 on my first outside reporting assignment in journalism. Score!

I alone am staggering

My hormones are out of control. That can be the only explanation for my raging insanity the past week. The stress is finally getting the better of me. I'm eating like a bottomless pit, not working out enough (no time! no energy!) and my normal mid-day surges of "This week isn't so bad! I can do this for awhile more!" are becoming fewer and farther between.

My intern meeting tonight was a step in the right direction. Having made no progress with it whatsoever up to this point, it was nice to have a concrete goal: write a news release. Ok. Got it. Done. I can deal with writing, with something to write about.

Halloween is fast approaching, and I finally have a costume, thanks to Shannon. I'm wearing her shiny birthday dress, Homecoming Queen tiara and some sick makeup and voila: 80's Prom Queen. Being that there are multiple nights of going out, I may come up with something else as well. We are going to a tournament in Rochester, NY and I hope it will be as fun as it has been the past two years. The fact that this is the third time I'll have been to this particular tournament makes me feel old.

I need to get some balance. Winter break will be good for me, and I absolutely can't wait. Family trip to Florida was cancelled, thankfully, so I'll have time to do all the visiting and snowboarding I had planned on. It better snow, goddamnit. A trip to Chicago is on the docket, as well as Pennsylvania? Of course, obligatory trips to wherever there are sweet runs and people willing to fly down hills with me.

One of my biggest problems is that I am always looking ahead, and I have trouble appreciating the now. Going out doesn't hold the same charm it used to. Our party was amazing, and so are parties with people I adore, but just GOING OUT is lame, now. I've always had the urgent need to move on to the next thing right off, but right now there is no clearly defined "next thing". I started the application for study abroad (Melbourne, Australia, here I hopefully come!) and I'm starting to apply for an internship in the State Senate. I suppose both of these could count as the "next thing", but neither seem to be enough to satisfy me.

For now, watching Shannon run herself into walls with a helmet on will be enough. I did, after all, just about die from laughter.

And I will think fondly to travels, and dream of more adventures....

I don't seem obvious do I?

My Berry-Good tea is the most delightful shade of purple with just the right amount of honey. Outside it's very brisk, my ears regretted my lack of forethought with regards to wearing a hat. The MSU Museum is empty at this hour, so I still have no interview, no quotes, nothing at all for my feature story due WEDNESDAY. Stressed out? I should be. But I spent all of yesterday reading about the intricacies of immune responses and eating ice cream, and tossing disc in the mud. The tea helps, too. I could write an excellent story without quotes, but they are part of the grade. Damn.

I spend far too much time online. But I like reading, and stranger's blogs are much like novels. The best part about blogs as novels? They don't end, leaving me wanting more. People keep living, and their stories continue for years. There is always an archive with a backstory, always a post for every mood. I think I'm addicted to the lives of other people. Not that my own isn't enough, but something about commiserating with people I've never met, realizing we're all so alike and the human condition is very much a shared experience is very comforting.

Onto the rest of Monday, g'day.

*edit*
One of my life goals is to write a novel. I've got some strange notion in my head that I could possibly write THE Great American Novel, which is strange because I have never believed that one novel could attain such status. There is no one defining American experience, so many cultures come to this place and don't even tend to mix that much at all. Perhaps there is a notion of the American experience, but I think it's probably something misleading like becoming rich and famous, or being able to provide for your family on minimum wage. Land of the free...

I have digressed from my point, it seems. I will just say this: someday I will write a novel, and it will hopefully be an ok read. I will also train for triathlons when I stop being so godawful busy. Let's hope my goals are not unattainable. Back to the grind!

[honesty or mystery? tell me I'm not scared anymore]

big pimpin'

This weekend was just as great as expected. MIP Anniversary party was precisely what we had hoped for. Sipp and I played the part of dazzling hostesses! Words can't describe how fantastic it was to get all dressed up and have the people come to US for a change. We went through three kegs. RIDICULOUS. Guests ranged from lifeguards to randoms to old friends to new friends and of course... ultimate players. Nothing was trashed (except some of the guests) and (almost) everyone left with a smile on their face.

I have been buckling down today and studying bio. I spent countless hours staring at the Web of Science trying to find an article for my 'News and Views' bio paper. Nothing too interesting to be found, but hopefully one of the articles gets approved. Boring, I know.

Does anyone know how to make a slideshow of photos? I am the webmaster for ultimate this year, and I'm trying to make the site fun and interesting.

This week will be another long one. Ultimate tournament in Rochester this coming weekend, though. Wish us luck!!

[go ahead you can laugh all you want, I've got my philosophy]

this is the day and the time

The things that are helping me beat the mid-semester slump:

1. Seeing my brother. No, seriously. He's a Marine now and I haven't seen him since July. He came today to my school to visit me and his girlfriend, and we went out to dinner. We enjoyed pasta, talked about family, life, and his new tattoo. I can't even describe how happy I was to see him. From all the talk about how different he is, I still saw my crazy little brother in the new and shiny Marine body. My grandma gets a kick out of how I call him my big brother now. JB and I joked about how we used to be chubby and can eat a lot of pasta as a result. Former fat kids love food. I love my brother.

2. Friends. Today Nick took me home from class and we talked for awhile. I forget how much I miss hanging out with him, he's so easy going and friendly. Chris imed me for the first time in forever. I missed talking to him. Of course it seemed like it had been two hours, as usual. I don't know how long it takes for the comforting familiarity to go away, but I really hope it doesn't ever. I hope that isn't selfish. I have been going out with the lovely ladies of Infamous on a weekly basis, and it brings happiness to life.

3. Hot frisbee boys. Seriously, some of those new boys are lookers. It's nice when eye candy is enough.

4. Actually, frisbee in general. I love running after the disc on offense, keeping up with my girl when I'm on defense. I love staring down a girl so she is more careful about her cuts, and then just wasting her anyway. I love d-ing the dump pass. I love laying out, even if the disc bounces off my hand. I love the cheering for my team, the sweat and even the blood. I love my team... our uniforms and our energy, and how we always win the party. Wow... I really love frisbee.

5. Planning my future. By future I mean, the next year and a half. After that, it's all up for grabs. I will go abroad next fall. Probably Australia (I am aware I change my mind every two seconds), then I will come back and finish out the bachelor's degree. Oh. Holy. God. What will I do after that?? The unknown is frightening in an exciting way. Optimism! :)

6. We are having a party. And people are going to come. And it will be fabulous!

7. Grey's Anatomy and ice cream. This had to be tacked on because the combination of the two just served to make me very very happy.


And scene. Sorry for the boring entry, I had to make a happy list.

[we're compatible, maybe a bit too much, that's our ambiguity]

we both go down together

I am bored out of my mind. I've hit the mid-semester slump, when I don't feel like doing much of anything, especially anything that requires homework or... moving from my computer chair (or bed....).

I almost jabbed pointy things in my eyes today trying to figure out the frisbee website. I'm glad I volunteered to do it, but the old website is so complicated it's tricky to figure out. I need to figure out how to put the pictures on without making it slow-loading and awful. I shall peruse the internet...

One of my co-workers bought me lunch today. That was happy. I've had a thing for him for ohh... forever. Anyone who appreciates East of Eden is high up in my book. But of course, I think it was a friendly gesture and not a friendly gesture, if you know what I mean. That's ok, there are plenty of fish in the sea. And a surprising amount of them enjoy Steinbeck....

I need to make some internet friends. Some comments on occasion would probably brighten my day :)

And if anyone knows the cure for CONSTANT LINGERING ILLNESS, I would be much obliged to figure out how to kill it.

I'm contemplating going to Singapore next fall, but the possibility of caning is somewhat daunting. According to the tourism website, caning is no walk in the park. You'll hurt for weeks and be scarred for life. Uhh... thanks tourist info. I'll have to weigh my options. I still would love to go to Norway, but if I go to a program sponsored by the College of Communication Arts and Sciences I've got more chances for scholarships. Which means Singapore, Jamaica, or Australia. I'm leaning towards Singapore as the most exotic locale. I can scuba dive in any of these places...


The pictures on my wall look like postcards. I can't wait for a whole semester's worth of postcards.

Everytime we're down, you can make it right

Oh Ultimate Frisbee, you complete me. This weekend was another one for the records ladies and gentlemen. Infamous and the Burning Couch went down to show the Buckeyes how to play frisbee, and we lived the dream.

Saturday we played Kenyon (won), Ohio Northern (won), Pittsburgh (lost :-( but they were sweet so it's ok. Oh, and I handblocked their best player. sweet life!), and Edinboro (won!). It was pretty fantastic.

Later that night, after the games, we headed to BDub's for some (veggie) burgers and cocktails for the birthday girl. Watched the Tigers rock the Oakland Athletics, and had a great time with the dudes.

Saturday night, we won the party, naturally. MSU ladies and dudes came out and took over the flip cup table, and the dance floor. The newbie dudes are really fun, and it was great to be able to bond with the men's team and get to know our own newbies much better than before! :)

Sunday.... ohhh sunday. We started off the day by beating UofM. Talk about an excellent way to start things off! We then lost to JMU (but not without a rousing fight... we played so hard and all did ridiculously well), and then lost a game to Edinboro, pretty much just because we couldn't run anymore.

It was an amazing weekend, and I predict great things for our team come spring semester and our true season. We've already won a tournament, and we came in 4th out of 13 in this one.

Life. is. good.

Aaaannnddd now back to the books. Why do classes always seem to get in the way of school? ;-)



[and that makes you larger than life]

p.s. yeah I quoted BSB lyrics... what?

Interpersonal relationships gone terribly awry

why must relationships be so complicated? I feel that if two people like each other, then that should be it. But no. Now there is liking someone only for one thing, or another. One person liking someone too much is suddenly a problem. Especially if they like you too little. Or just for that one thing. And if you should give yourself away, oh beware. You've put yourself on the line. Don't even get me started on distance, that's a whole ridiculous can of worms that should be saved for fishing.

Why can't it just be easy to like someone, and have them like you back? And maybe go on a date? I think I'm too romantic for this game.

I need the fuel to make my fire burn bright

Ohhh life. My boss is completely incompetent and I can't seem to keep myself afloat these days. The constant pace is dragging me down. I don't have time to do the things I want. I need a break. Or at least something really happy to happen. The good grades aren't helping as much as they were. Sometimes the spirit needs a little something extra.

On a happier note, I talked to Lance, and he made me smile a lot. And I got some laundry done. My life is hella exciting, I know.

Tournament at OSU this weekend. Should be awesome. Can't wait to smoke UofM again. Let's f-em up ladies.

[come to me again in the cold, cold night]

bend the pieces til they fit, like they were made for it

It's hard to be a friend. It's hard to keep optimistic when the world is relying on you to be the rock for them. It's hard to wake up every morning and be as fruitful as you need to be when all you want is to take a nap. It's hard to not have a shoulder to cry on.

It's even harder to know that you used to have everything you thought you needed, and now it's gone and complicated and never final.

[but they weren't made for this]

Alicia!: The Musical

set iTunes to shuffle... see what your life is like. Sweeet I love music (lyrics added for extra fun!)

Opening Scene: Such Great Heights/The Postal Service

they will see us waving from such great heights,
"come down now", they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away,
"come down now", but we'll stay...

Wake-Up Scene: Feel Good Lost/Broken Social Scene

instrumental

Average Day: Neighborhood #3/The Arcade Fire

I went out into the night,
I went out to find some light.
Kids are swingin' from the power lines,
nobody's home, so nobody minds.

First Date: Bring on the Terror/Robbers on High Street

Now all of the sons and the daughters
Don't want just what comes along
So give them something more
Come on, Oooh

Falling In Love: Knockin' on Heaven's Door/Eric Clapton (cover)

Mama, put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore.
That long black cloud is comin' down
I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door.

Fight Scene: Army Corps of Architects/Death Cab for Cutie

call in the army corps of architects
to flatten the skyline and begin again
I knew the years would move quickly,
but never quite as fast as this
so bring the discrepancies, I'll pour the drinks.

Break-Up: Dirty Little Secret/Sarah McLachlan

Been up all night drinking, to drown my sorrows down...
But nothing seems to help me since you've gone away.
I'm so tired of this town, where every tongue is wagging.
When every back is turned, they're telling secrets that should never be revealed.
There's nothing to be gained from this, but disaster.

Back Together: Don't Speak/No Doubt

Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening

Secret Love: Superspy/Save Ferris

Out of the corner of my eye
Caught a glimpse of the Superspy
When he saw me look his way
He jumped down that alleyway

Life's OK: Do You Remember/Jack Johnson

Do you remember when we first met?
I sure do, it was some time in early September
You were lazy about it, you made me wait around
I was so crazy about you I didn’t mind

Mental Breakdown: Nine Lives/South

We'll talk about forgiveness
I'm here to find the meaning
I miss you at the best of times
You help me walk that fine line

Driving: Under the Bridge/Red Hot Chili Peppers

I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hill 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that is a lie

Learning A Lesson: Does He Love You?/Rilo Kiley

Get a real job
Keep the wind to your back and the sun on your face
All the immediate unknowns are better than knowing this tired and lonely fate.

Deep Thought: D'yer Mak'er/Led Zeppelin

When I read the letter you wrote, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the news that it brought me, it made me sad sad sad.
But I still love you so, I can't let you go

Flashback: Oh It's Love/ hellogoodbye

Oh, your heart may long for love that is more new
So when I'm gone these words will be here
To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clear
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I set my hips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

Partying: Fancy Claps/Wolf Parade

We can sing
Two cracks in the crossbeams
We can sing
Very, very quietly
We can sing
We can sing for each other

Happy Dance: Approaching Pavonis Mons by Balloon/The Flaming Lips

instrumental

Regretting: Pictures in an Exhibition/Death Cab for Cutie

i think you caught me on the downslide, downturn
i was busy writing with a pen and paper thin dream
and all your plastic people with plastic hearts and smiles
they had the worst intentions all along after all...

Long Night Alone: Speed of Sound/Coldplay

how long before I get in
before it starts, before I begin
how long before you decide
before I know what it feels like
where to?
Where do I go?
if you've never tried then you'll never know
how long do I have to climb
up on the side of this mountain of mine?

Death Scene: We are all on Drugs/Weezer ...ha!

but the world don't care
if you are or are not there
cause you're on drugs

Closing Credits: Paint's Peeling/Rilo Kiley

the paint's peeling off the streets again
and i'll drive and close my eyes in michigan
and i feel nothing, not brave
it's a hard day for breathing again

I got nothin to give you, you see, except everything

I rode a lightning high all weekend, but I promise I'm back down to earth now and not so godawful chipper. Honestly, it was probably the mind-numbing shift at the pool today that killed it.

I think I've come to a decision on study abroad.... *drumroll please*.... After much deliberation I think I'm going to choose the Norway program. My theory: there is no language barrier in Australia, so I can go anytime and not feel overwhelmed (well... I suppose I can get along just about anywhere by now, but you know). I am scuba certified for life, so I can go scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef later on. However, I won't always have the chance to visit the Motherland, and take a Norwegian language course, and naturally... snowboard in Scandanavia.

In other news.... I'm filling this silly gaping void with busy-ness, planning, and optimism true Alicia-style. I'm getting together with my fellow interns to plot out a plan for our first step, and I feel oh-so-managerial with my e-mailing and meeting setting skills. Soon I will be meeting the child I will be mentoring in Okemos and I'm breathless in anticipation. There's nothing better for pushing silly thoughts out of my head like diving headfirst into a challenging and rewarding project. I am hoping both of these projects (intern and mentor) will turn out to be beneficial for everyone involved.

And because I'm still a college student and not entirely given over to adult responsibilities, I am going out three nights in a row this weekend. Damn. Thursday some friends came over to watch Grey's Anatomy, which is possibly the most satisfying guilty pleasure of my life, aside from ice cream and sugary coffee drinks. We drank some rum, tipsy-giggled to South Park, then went and played some beer pong. It was a fun night.

Friday was equally awesome. Strongbow party at the Village, I came equipped with the amazing Ogden and we loved life. I was bouncy and social, chatted up friends and strangers alike, and was a member of Team Domination for flip cup. Josh and I stumbled Jessica home, went to Menna's and attacked some Dubs, and then I fell asleep on his bedroom floor. Textbook example of a college party gone right.

Tonight it's out with the Tripod (Trapezoid?).... FRISBEE LOVES! Tomorrow is a tournament in Ann Arbor, and I will probably be over-tired. A night out with these ladies is totally worth it, though.

My current obsessions include chill music and YouTube videos. CrackTube it should be called. Evil site draws you in and won't let you go until you've seen every music video worth seeing. And then some parodies....

[I'm a modern girl, but I fold in half so easily]

bring on the terror

Good news: I got an internship! Director of Public Relations/Community Relations!
Bad news: I have no idea what's happening. But I think that's a temporary freak-out situation. I have enough confidence in my plan for the franchise that I'll just breathe in and start making phone calls and writing e-mails. It's time to apply these people skills to "real life" situations.

Life is good. I am still sick but I got to scuba dive today anyhow (we weren't going deep enough to worry about overexpansion injuries as a result of congested sinuses), and I skipped my first class of the year! It was a very necessary break from the boring sociology lecture. I figure, it's only one lecture, and I'm acing that class anyhow. I showered off the chlorine, looked over some journalism lectures for the quiz today, then made myself some cappuchino. I accidentally burned my finger on the milk steamer tube though, so my finger hurts like a mother. But... it's ok. I iced it. First aid skillz.

Most random post ever. I don't think anyone reads this anyhow.

[an eye for her tiger, a bee for her bloom]

stop.

ok I need to stop being so ridiculous. NOW.

Grades, school, friends, ultimate.... concentrate

ugh

just breathe....

the sports internship I applied for might work out. It turns out I can do 90% of the work from East Lansing at this point. Holy. shit. If I get this, I will seriously cry tears of joy. and Honors X2 stuff has been sent out and I got matched with one of the girls I wanted, and I can't wait to start with that tooo.

Hey life, you're kinda sweet. kbye!

he moves his words like a prize fighter

I think I might actually be getting my shit together! This semester I'm hitting the books hard and it's paying off in terms of good grades and recognition of my writing in journalism! I'm very excited.

I am currently trying to get an internship in the Senate for the spring semester. Odd, I know, but it should be a wise move if I want to land an internship in Lansing this summer. Most of the PR firms around here deal with political campaigns and issues because of Lansing being the capital. I think getting a hand in there and making some contacts and working hard would pay off. I also applied for a PR position with a semi-professional sports organization, which I won't take if I have to travel for since I have no time, and since they are in Jackson it'll probably not work out. But... it would be cool to work in sports PR.

After all that I'd take an entire semester off and rock Australia. Well, I'd take classes there too, but honestly it'd be a semester long break from the wild world of public relations. Plus, I could probably get some scuba diving in! I know I'm going to have a hard few years after college, agencies are a bitch but the best way to learn, so I may as well get some good fun in while I can. (Apparently I'm hella motivated for life right now, so if you need any encouragement, look no further!)

Is this me figuring out my life... having more than a one semester plan? I think... maybe!

And on a scary note, we learned about the type of injuries you can get scuba diving today. They are pretty intense. Luckily injuries are pretty rare unless you are doing something stupid. Ooo and I signed up to be in the class next semester where we take a weekend and go on 5 open water dives to complete my certification. I will be a certified scuba diver by next semester! Adventurous life, here I come.

[well it may be the devil or it may be the lord
but you're gonna have to serve somebody]

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go

There have been many times in my life where I feel a change coming, a vast powerful movement building up in my chest and ready to break out into a flurry of energy and motivation. Now is such a time.
This semester is proving to be my most difficult to date here at MSU. I feel like I never sit down until after 8 or 9 at night. However, my mind and body seem to be completely commited to making this work. Every night I dutifully come home, make some food, have some tea, and tackle a mound of homework to stay on track (and even AHEAD) of my studies so that I can make out with the kind of grades I like to maintain. What the hell, Alicia? I suppose I just get better at time management when I have so little to spare.
Every little bit of life seems to be working out just fine. Frisbee is plugging along fabulously. New girls came to practice today and it was hectic but fun. We have some tournaments coming up and I'm still in love with the sport. I'm so glad I never quit back when I was discouraged, the commitment is paying off ten-fold.
School is difficult this semester, but I feel like everything I am dealing with is so beneficial. I think if I continue at this pace I will be just fine. I've yet to get a bad grade, I'm hoping that my hard work continues to pay off.
I'm boycotting boys and trying not to drink too much. I signed up for a 5K and I'm going to spinning class twice a week and I'm trying to improve body and mind. Here's to picking up and expanding myself, so that I never let what I want get lost in the details.

amendment 1.0: boycott has exceptions. they are subject to change rapidly and with no warning. hey I'm only human.

amendment 1.1: I got another kudos in journalism class and I actually feel somewhat competent to continue on my PR path.

[patience is the hallmark of the old and the infirm]

calm before storm

This weekend Laura visited, and it was fantastic. I had the best Friday night one can have, by all accounts. Laura and Geoff and I watched 'Can't Hardly Wait' (who doesn't love a movie that takes place solely at a party and features 90's hits such as Third Eye Blind?) We ventured to Beaner's and met up with a crippled Nick, and we then went and played at a playground. It was a nostalgic throw-back to the Espresso-Milano-and-St.-Brigit's-playground night, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. The rest of the night was spent half watching American Beauty and talking. Good company, good conversation, how I have missed you. Friday reminded me why I love my friends and the earnest innocence of pre-college weekends.

Saturday marked another milestone in my Michigan State University undergraduate career; I went to my first football game! Granted it was against EMU, but it was still awesome. I worked football parking all morning with Sipp so I had to unload Laura unto Nick and the Holmes kids. They were kind enough to show her to the football game and await our arrival. Sipp and I snuck into the section very covertly and got to sit with everyone in their awesome behind-the-band seats. All in all, a great first game experience.

Personal life... yikes. Let's just say I'm a mess and leave it there.

[don't be so damned benign]

I was meant for the stage

Why is it that self-improvement is one of the most arduous, difficult tasks a person can undertake? I try to live well and to project myself as I see myself on my best days, in my best light. I don't understand why I can't just DO IT. I have no trouble with motivation in other areas. Sometimes I procrastinate, but never for long.

I have long been cursed with an overdeveloped sense of self-awareness; I constantly exist within my head. All day my brain is busy thinking about all sorts of things: my interests, song lyrics, the ins and outs of every relationship in my life.... Why can't I outwardly display that my head is good and my heart is true? I come off as a joke most of the time, someone to point at and say "Oh look she's so ridiculous".

In good writing one is supposed to avoid cliche. I feel that good living must also follow this rule. Why live to be a saying when you can live and embody everything good that lives inside your head? If only I could do this I'd constantly be the charming, capable person that tends to hide behind being the joke.

With that said, with each failure I will pick myself up and realize that sometimes you need to take a step backwards to jump ahead. To stop trying is to accept failure as your upper limit. It's certainly not where I envision myself, so I will keep setting new goals and accepting backward movement as an opportunity to learn and to prove to myself that the next step could be small, but it will be in the right direction and it will propel me further towards my goals.

[this one goes out to the one I love]

so go on, if it makes you happier

Where to begin? Life has been twisted and turned upside-down, but I'm slowly returning to some semblance of normalcy.

Europe was pretty damn fantastic. I have copious amounts of photos, and a ridiculous plethora of experiences. Telling highlights would take all day, it took me 2.5 hours to tell Nick and Rob about the more interesting things.... writing would take far too long. My photos on Facebook.com do a decent job of skimming the surface of our adventures, although I wish Lance would send me his to complete my crazy collection.

If you are in any way close to me, you'll already know that Chris and I decided we couldn't continue the long distance relationship we'd been maintaining all summer. Bittersweet is the only word that begins to explain the conversation, and my reaction has been mixed. On one hand, there is a huge weight lifted from me. I don't have to worry about making time to call, write, visit or even think about him all the time. But on the other hand, I enjoyed doing all of these things, and the lack of talking to him is bothering me. Difficult as it was, we probably made the best decision possible at the time, and I hope we both emerge from the gloom able to talk to each other without going insane. Without being faced with the situation everyday, it's easy to be happy and carefree and ridiculous with my friends and roommates, but I know the first conversation will bring back sadness, as will the first time I allow myself to look at photos again.

Meanwhile, I'm back at State and loving every minute of it. The challenge of a new semester, the promise of new classes, books, friends, ultimate tournaments and finally being in the upper half of underclassmen here... it's all so much to take in. I've been easing myself back into my insane schedule, and finding that maybe I can succeed at this life thing. At least, my version of success, which is basically just happiness and a feeling of fulfillment. I never seem to have the full set of things I think would make my life complete, but maybe that would be too easy. After all, we would not learn to grow and change without a little adversity now and again, would we?

I just want to be proud of my path, and so far, so good.


[The undertow will grab our heels and won't let go]

Europe

Gone for 2.5 weeks as of today.

Itinerary: Switzerland, Italy (Cinque de Terre hike!), Germany, Czech Republic (Prague and countryside), France (Paris for 6 hours, woo!), and of course, Madrid, Spain.

Key phrase: Tienes comida vegetariana?/Je suis une vegetarienne.

and apparently in Germany, 'nein!' to all requests from strange men. Got it. ;-)

Auf Wiedersehen! Au Revoir! Arrivederci! Tot ziens! Adios! See ya!

waiting for birds to sing

Yesterday I had a very good day. I don't often see my younger brothers, because I haven't lived in the same house with them since I was in the 7th grade. Consequently, I missed out on a lot of their very important growing up moments.

Perhaps a retelling of the day would be a good starter for what I'm trying to convey. Today I am moving out of my summer house and into my apartment (finally! a lease for 12 MONTHS, a semi-permanent home!) Thankfully it is furnished, as I don't want to acquire "stuff" quite so early in my life, as I intend to be mobile post-grad. As a result, I needed my mattress and box springs picked up. Hence the visit from my aunt and two youngest brothers.

We went swimming at the pool I've worked at all summer, and the boys were impressed with the place. They behaved very well, contrary to my memories of them. It's hard to think of them at their current ages. To me, my brother Levi is still 3 and Cody is still 9. Strange to think now how much time has passed; Levi is now 10, and Cody is about to turn 16! It saddens me to think of how much of their lives I have missed because I was involved with my own life, being so much older and independant.

All 4 of us, all half siblings, have different talents, abilities, and gifts. It's funny to see how different 4 kids can be, growing up in the same environment for the most part. I always looked on my brothers as being "lesser" because they aren't and were never gifted at academics. Yesterday I was humbled. They are all so talented in ways that I could only dream to be.

Cody and I visited a music store, Marshall Music, and he played me a song. 'Wish You Were Here' by Pink Floyd. This, my almost-16 year old brother, is a master of music. He played the guitar like he was born to do it. I suppose I should have seen it coming, from day 1 the kid had an ear. He could hop on any instrument and sound as if he had at least ONE lesson. He can play by ear what most would struggle with sheet music. He is a force to be reckoned with on guitar, drums, and saxaphone. He is driven and loves it, if this doesn't take him places, nothing will.

Levi, my youngest brother.... the epitome of cool. At 10. When I was 10, I had no idea what to wear, had no concept of cool shoes, hats, accessorizing. He is a skater punk, and for good reason. The kid can rock out a skateboard. We visited a skate park that we happened across in Frandor, and it was funny to hear him bust out skater terms, and rival the "big kids" in their skating abilities. We took him into Urban Outfitters, just to look around, and he loved every minute of it. He settled on buying some Vans arm bands and a hat for $4.99. Then in Dunham's he flipped out over tiny toy skateboards. It's refreshing to know he still is a normal kid in some ways.

The oldest of my younger brothers was not mentioned because he is also out pursuing his individual identity. Since July 17th he has been at boot camp in San Diego, CA becoming a MARINE. I can scarcely believe my younger brother- the one I used to play dress-up with, adorning him in girls' skirts and jewelry- is now a soldier.

Life is funny, but it's good to know despite our shaky upbringing we can all embrace our individual talents and turn out alright.

Goodbye, America. Hello awkward looks from airport security.

It feels somewhat ridiculous to be writing posts, as nobody of yet knows about my new blog, but I figure the best way to start is to have something written. My life is one ridiculous day after another, but I'm extra ridiculous lately. On Tuesday I am moving out of the room I've been renting all summer, and into my very first apartment. Very exciting, very dangerous, oh god we're going to be the most irresponsible apartment mates EVER. But those worries are for another time.

To compound upon the perils of moving, I am leaving for a backpacking trip across Europe on WEDNESDAY. That's right, the day after I move. Thus, I am trying to prepare myself for both events.

In a genius move by my partner in crime, and also coincidentally partner in somewhat impromptu jaunts to Europe, we are bringing peanut butter for gifts for our host families. Apparently peanut butter is not consumed in Europe, so this will be a quirky gift straight from the land of red, white, and oh-my-god-your-president-sucks. But as this is a backpacking trip, I am not checking my luggage, just carrying on my pack. I'm trying to deftly hide a needle for any clothing mishaps mid-travel, but I fear I will be found out because I am also carrying three little jars of Kroger-brand peanut butter. I am having horrifying images of trying to explain to security exactly why I will need three jars of PB in Madrid.... I don't think they take jokes well, and are probably not that keen on how incredibly clever we are in gift-giving. Lance, I blame you for the awkward situation that is sure to commence, and curse you for not being there to support my ridiculous story.

That is an awfully long rant on awkward peanut butter explanations, so I will up the tone by adding in a RAVE. No, no you misguided youths, put down your glowsticks and ecstasy. I'm talking more along the lines of, things I love.

New obsession: space saver bags. I bought them today at Target, and have already packed my clothes into my pack. These bags are PURE MAGIC. You just put in your folded clothes, roll the air out, and have this fabulous flattened bag, that you can fold or roll or even wield as a weapon (it's dense enough I'm sure it could knock someone out).

Whew! With that out of my system, I must go on to finish packing and freaking out about all the impending events. Life!!!

A New Leaf

Life changes, thus blogs must also change. My decision to start a more sophisticated (read: less embarassing) blog came when I realized my oldest xanga.com entry dated back to my senior year of high school, and chronicled why I love drum majors. Let's just move on from that, shall we?