I was meant for the stage

Why is it that self-improvement is one of the most arduous, difficult tasks a person can undertake? I try to live well and to project myself as I see myself on my best days, in my best light. I don't understand why I can't just DO IT. I have no trouble with motivation in other areas. Sometimes I procrastinate, but never for long.

I have long been cursed with an overdeveloped sense of self-awareness; I constantly exist within my head. All day my brain is busy thinking about all sorts of things: my interests, song lyrics, the ins and outs of every relationship in my life.... Why can't I outwardly display that my head is good and my heart is true? I come off as a joke most of the time, someone to point at and say "Oh look she's so ridiculous".

In good writing one is supposed to avoid cliche. I feel that good living must also follow this rule. Why live to be a saying when you can live and embody everything good that lives inside your head? If only I could do this I'd constantly be the charming, capable person that tends to hide behind being the joke.

With that said, with each failure I will pick myself up and realize that sometimes you need to take a step backwards to jump ahead. To stop trying is to accept failure as your upper limit. It's certainly not where I envision myself, so I will keep setting new goals and accepting backward movement as an opportunity to learn and to prove to myself that the next step could be small, but it will be in the right direction and it will propel me further towards my goals.

[this one goes out to the one I love]